Here are answers to some common relationship questions that many couples have.
Question 1: What should I do if my partner won’t talk about our finances?
People often clam up when it comes to discussing finances because they have hangups about money. Sometimes they fear being judged as a result of their financial decisions. We are used to their being a lot of privacy around money. For example, in workplaces most people don’t discuss what their wage is and it is an unspoken agreement that finances will never be openly discussed.
So when people end up in relationships, they are often not used to being open and honest and communicative when it comes to their money situation. It is very important to reassure your partner that you love them unconditionally and that if they aren’t earning as much as you think they are, you won’t love them any less.
Money shouldn’t be used as a punishment or a reward. Instead, together allow each other some money after basic expenses are covered for a few things that each of you enjoy. For example, if your partner loves cappuccinos then they should be free to buy one from their half of the money set aside for small treats each week.
You should also set some longer term financial goals like saving for a joint vacation.
Question 2: What if I end up doing all the chores?
When you are working together and both doing what you are best at and supporting each other, then the relationship works smoothly. This create a team approach. When one person feels they are not being respected and acknowledged for the work they do, then both of you can end up being disappointed and feeling almost betrayed or hurt by the other person.
A good way to discuss this issue is to work out together how much the chores would cost if you paid someone else to do them. Set a rate of $30 an hour. List them all down, no matter how small they are. Work out the total.
Then work out how to divide them into two. You can also rotate doing the most unpleasant tasks. Set a schedule or a time each week when you will both be working on your respective chores.
It is all about creating balance and respect in the relationship. If it is one sided, then it does not benefit either of you in the long run. It is important to come back to being a team again – an “us” – with a sense of mutual vision and direction for a future that supports both of you.
Question 3: What if I am in a sexless marriage?
Sometimes in our busy lives, intimacy can become less and less of a priority until it no longer happens. This is dangerous for any relationship because sex can be a way for love to be expressed and without it, we can forget to be loving to one another.
If it goes on for too long, you can end up wondering why you are in the relationship. It is important to discuss it and to try and work out how to reintroduce sex back into your lives.
Sometimes just giving your partner a kiss or a hug or a cuddle in bed can help them to remember what it was like when you touched. Or offer to give them a massage. Don’t have sex. Just give your touch.
Slowly once your partner gets used to your touch again, later in the week, softly and gently initiate more sexual contact. See how they react.
Sex involves “you”, “me” and “us”. If only one of you is getting your needs met, then it can become boring or annoying. This does not serve either one of you. There has to be a sense of connection, coordination, and a way to fulfill both your needs and to create a feeling of who you are together.
Talk to a counselor about your other relationship questions
You may have more relationship questions or you may find that the above solutions didn’t solve the problem for you. That’s where couples counseling can help. Our experienced counselors can help facilitate more open discussion and communication. So phone us or contact us today to schedule an appointment with our of our counselors. See our contact details below.