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A Transactional Relationship – Why Should We Avoid Them?

    Scale shows a transactional relationship

    What is a transactional relationship?

    A transactional relationship is one in which you expect something in return. It is the direct opposite of the unconditional love that we are told that parents give children, for example. If I give you this, then you owe me that. The expectation with transactional relationships is that they will be a fair exchange.

    When our loving actions become transactional in a relationship, that is a sign that the love is dying. The initial unconditional love we felt at the beginning of the relationship, which – let’s face it may have actually been largely based on lust – just isn’t there anymore.

    But what about fairness?

    We may feel we have been treated unfairly and that we have “given” more to the relationship than the other person. After all we did all the washing up and the other person never offered to help, for example.

    This doesn’t mean that we should abandon the relationship. Relationships take work. New rules for the relationship may need to be negotiated so that both of us feel we do a fair amount of the chores, both take care of the joint finances and equally contribute to initiating affection and sex.

    What attitude should we take in relationships?

    Look at whether you need to change your attitude about relationships in general. Could you start to see them as an opportunity to grow? Can you give – not to receive – but because the very act of “being loving” is good for you? Good on a heart level.

    Conclusion about whether romance is the place for a transactional relationship

    We have to take the relationship beyond it being purely transactional. All relationships, be that in our romantic lives or in our business lives, depend on us going beyond the transactional. They depend on us giving love. If we don’t realize that, then our lives will be sadly lacking. We will end up lonely and depressed. Unfortunately, because many don’t realize that, these conditions are becoming increasingly common in our modern society.